submitted by Mitsubishi on 12.10.2006

10.They ask for all their money in quarters.

9.They’re not sure what season, or year it is.

8.They’re best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends).

7.The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards.

6.Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams.

continue reading/watch video…

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submitted by Crazy 88 on 10.16.2006

This post was written by the user Crazy 88. Register and make your own posts.

10) Grand theft auto: ok, I have jetpack, Now what? do i fly on top of buildings? is there a mission that asks me to do that?

9) Resident evil: gee this puzzle’s hard, lets just skip it, WOW ive learned nothing!

warcraft: lets just skip the part where i do stuff

7) Starcraft: lets use this cheat to beat the computer or “Comp” as us winners call it. Yay i beat a machine! im smrt!

6) Madden ‘07: WOW now i can play football as something OTHER then a football player! This is REALLY NEW!

5) Grand Turismo: Now i have faster cars! I can use them to beat cars that are slow! NO! this ISN”T a complete waste of time!

4) Galaga: How bout we NOT fight spaceships?

3) Pac-man: lets skip this level, ok this is new, HEY wait a minute, its the same god damn screen!

2) Pong: wow this paddle’s got Mad skillz, lets show him!

1) Sims: ok i have a BILLION dollars and a mansion all in one minute! now what? i guess i’ll buy ANOTHER couch!

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submitted by Sang on 09.7.2006

LICENSE TO STEAL

Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their license plate still attached to the bumper.

IN THE BAG

A “tourist,” supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn’t know what a handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

MADE FOR TV

Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was sentenced to four years in jail.

DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS?

A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more years.

YOU MEAN ME?

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, “Nobody move!” When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

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submitted by Sang on 08.31.2006

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

“It’s a period,” said the little boy.

“Well, I can see that,” she said, ”but what is so exciting about a period?”

“Damned if I know,” said the little boy, ”but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.”

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submitted by Crazy 88 on 08.26.2006

NOTE: The I in the title is Crazy 88, the author of this post.

These are things that are cool to be killed with in movies…but you would never want to be killed with in real life…

ice axe

sledge hammer

cleaver

golf club

hockey stick

baseball bat

crow bar

pitchfork

shovel

iron pipe

crossbow

sack o’ rocks

pipe wrench

water

pocket knife

chainsaw

hand saw

pool skimmer

tennis raquet

wire

drill

bolt cutters

blow torch

hot sauce

x-acto knives

and the worst of all….

being beaten to death with the sunday New York Times

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submitted by Sang on 08.23.2006

This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.

If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.

If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.

That’s me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!

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submitted by Sang on 08.20.2006

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

You’re lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!

I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls…

(written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire Department wants you.

We aim to please!
You aim too! Please

Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

Sign seen at a restaurant:

The hands that clean these toilets also make your food…please aim properly.

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submitted by Crazy 88 on 08.20.2006

a sack and something sharp

a pair of scissors, a chainsaw, and a broken whiskey bottle

a pillow, a spoon and 12 dead snakes

a computer, an axe and some crime scene tape

a pack of blank dvds and a bootleg copy of “Soul Plane”

a hand gun, a pair of sunglasses, and a new tie

an ipod, a rake and a VW beetle

a playstation 2, some compressed air, and a paintbrush

some gasoline, a lighter, and FEMA

a jumbo jet, some spray paint, and a ladder

a telephone, a bottle of Tobasco, and someones ass

a soccer ball, a steak knife, and a 10 year old girl

a cleaver, a chair, some duct tape, and NO WITNESSES

some magazines, a wood chipper, and my neighbors gas grill

twenty dollars and a blockbuster rewards card

a contained area, santa clause, and the west nile virus

a fedora hat, a pair of hand cuffs, and seven sewing needles

a getaway car, a large bag, and a baseball bat

a tank of propane gas, a shotgun, and about 50 civilians

some kool-aid, a long stick, and the US bomb squad

throwing knives, a spinning wheel, a volunteer and a blindfold

five minutes with this guy

more time than that

a better wireless plan

a spear, a dead shark, and a camera

a speedo, a high-dive, and a giant vat of pudding

comcast high-speed internet

1 million dollars and an alias

more ketchup

to lose some weight

the complete 5th season of south park and a classroom of five-year olds

a clogged toilet, a slingshot, and my neighbor to be home

the world’s smallest violin and the world’s saddest looking puppy

Samuel L. Jackson, John Travolta, and Quentin Tarantino

a pair of boxing gloves and a bag of ice

your complete trust

a trusting person and about 70 acupuncture needles

an above ground pool, the russian government, some rope, and all of our skateboards

a sock and a block of lead

a mask, a hokey stick, and the cover of shadows

George Bush and a lightsaber

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submitted by Sang on 08.11.2006

One day a drunk man told the bartender, “I’ll bet you $100 that I can bite my right eye.” The bartender grinned and said, “Okay, you drunk.”

The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it.

After more drinks the drunk said, “I bet you $200 I can bite my left eye.” The bartender knew it could not be fake, so he said, “Okay.”

The drunk pulled out his dentures and bit his left eye.

The bartender, by now was really mad. After a few more drinks, the drunk said, “I’ll bet you $500 that if you slide a shot glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar.”

The bartender knew he could not do it so he said okay.

The bartender slid the shot glass as fast as he could. The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The bartender jumped up and screamed in joy because he won $500.

In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why.

The man replied, “That drunk fool bet me $1000 that he can pee on your bar and you would be happy about it!”

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