submitted by Sang on 02.3.2006

Largest collection of lightbulb jokes. If you find one larger…oh well, the statement is used to attract people.

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submitted by Sang on 01.4.2006

Q: How many Microsoft tech support people dies it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four:
One to ask “What is the registration number of the light bulb?”
One to ask “Have you tried rebooting it?”
Another to ask “Have you tried reinstalling it?”
And the last one to say “It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine…”

Q: How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to hammer the bulb into a faucet.

Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to work the bulb, and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.

Q: How many Microsoft testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We just determine that the room is dark; we don’t actually change the bulb. Since we have a dead-bulb result on file from a previous test, rest assured that Development is working on a bug fix.

Q: How many Microsoft shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can change the bulb in 7 to 10 working days. If you call before 2PM, and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed overnight. Don’t forget to put your name in the upper right hand corner of the light bulb box.

Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But he’ll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy as it would be for a Mac user.

Q: How many Microsoft managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We’ve formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to determine what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

Q: How does Bill Gates change a light bulb?
A: He holds the bulb in place and lets the world revolve around him.

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submitted by Sang on 12.5.2005

ISDN = It Still Does Nothing

APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

IBM = I Blame Microsoft

DEC = Do Expect Cuts

CA = Constant Acquisitions

CD-ROM = Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2 = Obsolete Soon, Too.

SCSI = System Can’t See It

DOS = Defunct Operating System

BASIC = Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control

WWW = World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH = Most Applications Crash; If Not, The OS Hangs

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submitted by Sang on 12.3.2005

Q: Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs?

A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

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submitted by Sang on 12.3.2005

How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five. One to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could have done it.

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submitted by Sang on 12.3.2005

How many American tourists does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifteen. Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on “how funny-looking” local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don’t come out.

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