submitted by Sang on 12.16.2005

1. If you introduce your wife as “mylady@home.wife”

2. If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner

3. If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

4. If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas

5. If Dilbert is your hero

6. If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE

7. If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes

8. If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail

9. If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50

10. If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place

    continue reading/watch video…

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submitted by Sang on 12.10.2005

10 Signs Your Co-Worker Is A Hacker…

You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was for $20,000.

He’s won the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes 3 years running.

He placed bets that Justin would not win the first American Idol.

When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.

Seems strangely calm whenever the office system goes down.

Somehow gets HBO on his PC at work.

Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeez” 95 times during the movie “The Net”.

Video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons.

When his computer starts up, you hear, “Good Morning, Mr. President”.

You hear him murmur, “Let’s see you use that Visa card now, dumbass.”

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submitted by Sang on 12.6.2005

Just to let you know, this poem has a great rhythm. That’s one of the reasons why I love it.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash,
then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
’cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM
Quicky turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

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submitted by Sang on 12.3.2005

I recently purchased a new PC from one of the major computer manufacturers. I placed my order via the web but asked for them to call me for my credit card information. So, after a couple days of phone tag, I got in touch with the saleswoman handling my account. I was thinking I’d just give her my credit card number and be on my way.

Almost.

Saleswoman: “Do you realize that the modem you’ve chosen doesn’t have sound support?”

Customer: “What exactly does a ‘modem with no sound support’ mean?”

Saleswoman: “It means that if you go to a web page that has a movie or sound file, you won’t be able to hear it.”

Customer: “What does the modem have to do with that?”

Saleswoman: “Well, sir, the modem is what connects your computer to the Internet.”

Customer: “So, you’re telling me that this particular modem scans the TCP/IP packets passing through it for those belonging to any sound application and filters them out?”

Saleswoman: “Yes.”

Customer: “How does it accomplish this feat?”

Saleswoman: “I’m not technical enough to answer that. Please hold.”

I stayed on hold for five minutes and hung up.

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submitted by Sang on 12.3.2005

Overheard in a computer shop:

Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.”

Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.”

Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”

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submitted by Sang on 12.3.2005

Customer: “I have Windows Thirty One.”

Tech Support: “Ok, this program requires either Windows 95 or Win32s. Do you have Win32s on your system?”

Customer: “No, I have Windows Thirty One, not Thirty Two.”

Tech Support: “Windows 3.1 is the operating system. Win32s is a program that makes your computer fast like Windows 95.”

Customer: “What’s Windows Ninety Five got to do with it?”

Tech Supprort: “You need either Windows 95 or Win32s to run this.”

Customer: “I HAVE THIRTY ONE! WHY WON’T IT WORK?”

Tech Support: “Ma’am, your computer is too old. Buy a new one with Windows 95.”

Customer: “I’ve heard about Windows Three Hundred and Eleven. Wouldn’t that be better than Ninety Five?”

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submitted by Sang on 12.3.2005

Windows: A thirty-two bit extension and GUI shell to a sixteen bit patch to an eight bit operating system originally coded for a four bit microprocessor and sold by a two-bit company that can’t stand one bit of competition.

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