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submitted by willcheng on 07.23.2007
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Set in a comic book style world, you play as Mr. Heatbuster.
Using your mouse to click on various objects, you must cool items down to stop your arch enemy Ms. Dee Hydration from melting the office. Click on a heated object and a pulsing target will appear. Click again when it pulses near the centre to cool it down.
Can you foil Ms. Dee Hydration’s dastardly plot, can you survive the day the office melted?
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submitted by Mitsubishi on 05.15.2007
A lady walks in a computer store one day with a box of 5 1/2 inch disks. “I bought these disks and they seem to be defective.”
“So”, says the salesman, “what type of computer do you have?”
“An Apple,”
So fine, he says, and takes her over to a IIe…”Oh, not this one,” she said, “I own one of those!” And points to a Mac. (at this point the salesman, as you do, saw where this was going, and refused to believe it.)
“Well,” says the salesman “these are 5 1/2 inch disks, they won’t won’t fit in one of those…”
“Oh, I made them fit.” Says the woman.
Needless to say, she had taken a pair of scissors…
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submitted by Crazy 88 on 10.16.2006
This post was written by the user Crazy 88. Register and make your own posts.
10) Grand theft auto: ok, I have jetpack, Now what? do i fly on top of buildings? is there a mission that asks me to do that?
9) Resident evil: gee this puzzle’s hard, lets just skip it, WOW ive learned nothing!
warcraft: lets just skip the part where i do stuff
7) Starcraft: lets use this cheat to beat the computer or “Comp” as us winners call it. Yay i beat a machine! im smrt!
6) Madden ‘07: WOW now i can play football as something OTHER then a football player! This is REALLY NEW!
5) Grand Turismo: Now i have faster cars! I can use them to beat cars that are slow! NO! this ISN”T a complete waste of time!
4) Galaga: How bout we NOT fight spaceships?
3) Pac-man: lets skip this level, ok this is new, HEY wait a minute, its the same god damn screen!
2) Pong: wow this paddle’s got Mad skillz, lets show him!
1) Sims: ok i have a BILLION dollars and a mansion all in one minute! now what? i guess i’ll buy ANOTHER couch!
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submitted by Mitsubishi on 10.2.2006
Customer: “I have just received your software, but I have these plastic things, what are they?”
Tech Support: “Could you describe them please?”
Customer: “They are black plastic, thin, and square.”
Tech Support: “Anything else?”
Customer: “They have a metal bit on one edge.”
Tech Support: “Disks?”
Customer: “Well, I don’t know, do I? I just brought your package. What do I do with them?”
I see a horrible call ahead, and the customer is quite irate already.
Tech Support: “Put the disks in the drive.”
Customer: “What’s a drive?”
Tech Support: “The slot in your machine that looks just the right size for the disk.”
Customer: “Which machine?”
Tech Support: “Do you have a hard drive?”
Customer: “I have two boxes. One has a picture on it.”
Tech Support: “Put the first disk in, metal side first.”
Customer: “Ok. It’s gone in.”
Tech Support: “Go to the ’start’ button, then run, then type ’setup’.”
Customer: “My computer isn’t on. How do I turn it on?”
Tech Support: “Push the button by the drive to eject the disk, and press the button that says ‘power’ on the machine without the pictures on it.”
Customer: “Ok. Done.”
Tech Support: “Now put in the disk, go to start, run, and type ’setup’.”
Customer: “Oh, it’s all working now. Thanks, but your software isn’t very easy to use, is it?”
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submitted by Mitsubishi on 09.27.2006
Tech Support: “Welch Hall computer assistant; may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
Tech Support: “What sort of trouble?”
Customer: “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”
Tech Support: “Went away?”
Customer: “They disappeared.”
Tech Support: “Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”
Customer: “Nothing.”
Tech Support: “Nothing?”
Customer: “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”
Tech Support: “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”
Customer: “How do I tell?”
Tech Support: “Can you see the C:> prompt on the screen?”
Customer: “What’s a sea-prompt?”
Tech Support: “Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?”
Customer: “There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”
Tech Support: “Does your monitor have a power indicator?”
Customer: “What’s a monitor?”
Tech Support: “It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”
Customer: “I don’t know.”
Tech Support: “Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?”
(Rustling and jostling heard in the background.)
Customer: [muffled] “Yes, I think so.”
Tech Support: “Great! Follow the cord to the plug and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.”
Customer: “Yes, it is.”
Tech Support: “When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
(Rustle, rustle.)
Customer: [muffled] “Ok, here it is.”
Tech Support: “Follow it for me and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”
Customer: [still muffled] “I can’t reach.”
Tech Support: “Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”
Customer: “Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’s dark in here.”
Tech Support: “Dark?”
Customer: “Yes — the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”
Tech Support: “Well, turn on the office light then.”
Customer: “I can’t.”
Tech Support: “No? Why not?”
Customer: “Because there’s a power outage.”
Tech Support: “A p-!” [AARGH!]
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submitted by Sang on 09.13.2006
When I was hired to run the IT department of a major company my predecessor left three letters in the desk that was now mine. Each letter was clearly labeled; System Failure #1, System Failure #2, System Failure #3. A post-it note was attached to the bundle of letters.
In case of a substantial system failure open the letters in order, once per failure, and they will help you through the problem.
I put the letters back in the desk and forgot about them.
About one year later we had a cascading server failure that left our corporate intranet and several important production servers off-line. While repairing the problem I remembered the letters. Curious, I opened the first letter.
“Blame me, your predecessor”
The day after we got the servers back up I was called in to my boss’s office to explain what happened and why were down for so long. Taking my queue from the letter I blamed my predecessor. My boss was satisfied with my answer and let me go.
About six months down the road we had another big failure. This time our primary database server went down and the secondary was having trouble dealing with the load. I had to put a lot of extra hours into getting them back up and we lost a few transactions due to the backup server not being able to function under the load.
Once again, I reached into that desk drawer and opened letter #2.
“Blame the equipment”
This time I lamented to the boss about how it wasn’t my fault. It was that backup server! If we had some good equipment to run on these things just would not happen. He was satisfied with my answer and I went back to work.
Things ran smoothly for the next 18 months. Then we got hit with a virus that somehow got past our firewall and wrecked havoc on our systems.
I opened the third letter.
“Write three letters”
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submitted by Sang on 08.29.2006
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, ‘Why don’t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it’ll work !?’
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submitted by Sang on 08.20.2006
Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There’s not half the files there used to be,
And there’s a milestone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data’s gone
And I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.
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submitted by Sang on 08.8.2006
Four technology experts were golfing one day, 3 Americans and one Japanese gentleman. On the 7th green they hear a BEEP BEEP BEEP. The 1st American took a pen from his pocket, clicked it twice and said “Hello”. After a short conversation, the man clicked the pen and put it back in his pocket. He beamed to the others that his company was good enough to do away with the cell phone and replace it with a cell pen. The others weren’t terribly impressed.
A few holes later there came another series of BEEPS. The 2nd American touched the palm of his right hand with the index finger of his left, then extended his thumb up and his pinky down. He put his hand to his head and said, “Hello.” There was another conversation and he said, “Bye.” He made the fist and told the other that his company was to the point of installing the microphone in the pinky and the speaker in the thumb. The first guy was impressed, the other two unmoved.
A couple of holes later there was another BEEP and the 3rd American held his right hand high in the air and said “Hello.” After his conversation he let the others know that he was so progressive he had a mic in his lip a speaker in his ear, and an antenna in his arm. The other two Americans were very impressed. The Japanese gentleman said nothing.
On the final hole there was one more BEEP, followed by a SCREEEEECH. The Japanese man ran to the bushes and disappeared. After a few moments his companions went over to see what was going on. There he was, squatting in the bushes with his pants around his ankles. One of the observers hollered, “we have restrooms for that kind of business in this country!”
The Japanese man exclaimed, “No, No, I’m waiting for a fax!!!!”
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