submitted by Mitsubishi on 05.15.2007

A lady walks in a computer store one day with a box of 5 1/2 inch disks. “I bought these disks and they seem to be defective.”

“So”, says the salesman, “what type of computer do you have?”

“An Apple,”

So fine, he says, and takes her over to a IIe…”Oh, not this one,” she said, “I own one of those!” And points to a Mac. (at this point the salesman, as you do, saw where this was going, and refused to believe it.)

“Well,” says the salesman “these are 5 1/2 inch disks, they won’t won’t fit in one of those…”

“Oh, I made them fit.” Says the woman.

Needless to say, she had taken a pair of scissors…

Posted in Jokes/Computers, Jokes/Embarrassing Stories   email  submit comment »

submitted by Sang on 01.10.2007

You might notice that this post has no screenshots. That’s because it’s actually an audio instead of a video.

Anyways, in this clip, a girl gets dumped on a live radio talk show after she gets caught cheating by her boyfriend.

continue reading/watch video…

Posted in Jokes/Embarrassing Stories   email  submit comment »

submitted by Sang on 08.8.2006

Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.

She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She’d hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

“Excuse me, miss,” said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. “The Hilton doesn’t mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday.”

“What difference does it make?” Joan asked rather calmly. “No one can see me up here, and besides, I’m covered with a towel.”

“Not exactly,” said the embarrassed man. “You’re lying on the dining room skylight.”

Posted in Jokes/Embarrassing Stories   email  submit comment »

submitted by Mitsubishi on 07.5.2006

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.

There is a Wal-Mart associate standing there with dark shades on.

She says, “Excuse me, Sir… can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”

He says, “Ma’am, I’m blind, but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.

She didn’t believe him but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, “That’s a 6′ graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It’s a good all around rod and reel, and it cost $20.00.”

She says, “It is amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it’s what I’m looking for, so I’ll take it.”

He walks behind the counter to the register, she bends down to get her purse and farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, “That will be $25.50.”

She says, “But didn’t you say it was $20.00?”

He says, “Yes ma’am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50. And thank you for shopping Wal-Mart.”

Posted in Jokes/Embarrassing Stories, Jokes   email  1 comment »

submitted by Crazy 88 on 05.27.2006

My brother was having a sleepover.

My parents didn’t want them to stay up late, which is perfectly understandable.

I am assigned to stay up and constantly go downstairs to check on them. I listen to the door, and if I hear any electronics, I tell them to go to bed.

So I go down at 11:00, I walk ever so gingerly so as not to disturb them, I listen veeeeerry carefully, I hear a TV on, I tell them to go to bed and the turn off the TV.

Then I go down at 1:30, I have to do it muuuuch softer now, I walk slowly, slowly, slowly and geeeenntly place my ear against the door, I hear voices, I tell them to go to sleep and the become quiet.

Then I go down at 2:30, At this point I am very tired, so I walk Veeeerrry slowly and carefully so I don’t wake them up. I gently put my ear against the door and very quietly listen, YES they are finaly asleep.

It is at this point I’m putting too much weight on the door as I am leaning on it. It swings open and I fall down the stairs causing enough noise to wake the dead.

I was never given the job again.

Posted in Jokes/Embarrassing Stories   email  1 comment »

submitted by Mitsubishi on 05.27.2006

TACOMA, Wash. - An emergency radio station mistakenly warned that a massive, volcanic-caused mudflow was headed from the flanks of Mount Rainier and that listeners in the valley below should rush to higher ground.

The emergency lahar warning was broadcast Wednesday for nearly an hour on the 1580 AM frequency in the suburban Pierce County town of Puyallup.

Authorities had no estimate how many people heard the broadcast on the weak frequency, or how many evacuated.

Nancy Eldred heard it while driving in the Puyallup Valley and called her daughter, Renee Hutchinson, in Tacoma.

“I was in tears,” said Hutchinson, whose 17-month-old son, Ethan, was in the car with his grandmother. “I was shaking.”

After Hutchinson warned co-workers, about 30 people started frantically calling loved ones. Some called their children at schools in the Puyallup Valley and told them to leave immediately.

Emergency officials in communities around Mount Rainier routinely test the system that would, in the event of a real lahar from the volcano, activate 24 sirens around the valley and broadcast a radio alert.

But on Wednesday, 1580 AM picked up the test signal as real and said the lahar was coming. The prerecorded radio message apparently was triggered by a software error.

Puyallup Fire Chief Merle Frank said the problem should be taken care of in the next few days.

Copyright © 2006 Yahoo! Inc. All rights reserved.

Posted in Jokes/Embarrassing Stories, Life/Weird/Funny News   email  submit comment »

submitted by Sang on 04.2.2006

One summer when I was in college, my parents rented a lake cottage and invited a bunch of people - me, my two brothers, my mother’s parents, and a guy they were trying to fix me up with.

I didn’t plan on swimming, but my mom brought an old bathing suit and talked me into putting it on. I couldn’t see well in the shower cabin, and it felt OK but a bit tight.

When I walked back to the others, that guy stared right at my crotch! Everyone else looked embarrassed. I turned to him and said, “What are you looking at, pervert?”

My mom rushed up and wrapped a towel around my waist. She told me to go in the house and look in the mirror.

When I got to a mirror, I could have died! There was half an inch of black short-and-curlies sticking out from each side of my bathing suit. I could hardly stand to look at anyone after that. Worst of all, my parents made me apologize for calling the guy a pervert.

Posted in Jokes/Embarrassing Stories   email  submit comment »

submitted by Sang on 04.2.2006

I was in a hotel with 3 of my friends, and two of them had gone out for breakfast, and the third was in the bath tub taking a really long time. And I had to pee sooooooo bad. Generally I would have held it or gone and found another bathroom somewhere else, but in a temporary moment of insanity, I decided to pee in the sink.

Being female, this was no easy task. I hoisted myself up on the counter, with my butt stuck over the tap and started to pee. It was making noise and I was afraid of my roommate in the bathtub hearing so I turned on the water to hide the sound.

Being the smart kind I am, it was the hot water I turned on, and I promptly burned my butt. I tried to jump away from the sink but my shorts (which were around my ankles) got stuck to something under the sink and I fell off the counter, right as my other two room mates walked in the door.

They got a full view of me lying on the floor, with my pants around my ankles, peeing on myself and holding my nicely burned butt.

I will NEVER hear the end of this!

Posted in Jokes/Embarrassing Stories   email  1 comment »

submitted by Sang on 03.25.2006

The most embarrasing moment of my life happened when I was in the ninth grade. We were all in health class and everyone was just sitting around quietly or sitting with their head down on the desk, because it was the end of the year and we were all relaxing.

Everything was quiet when I bent over because I had dropped the pencil I was doodling with. I didn’t even feel it coming… the loudest boom wave ever heard. My nightmare: I farted in my classroom in front of everyone.

All of a sudden everyone was looking in my direction. They still didn’t know exactly where it came from, and I was hoping they wouldn’t ever find out. I had to think quick, so I blamed it on the girl next to me. Everyone believed me, until the moment when I thought I would die.

First I was laughing with everyone else. But as soon as I did, an even louder fart came out and again I didn’t even feel it coming. And all of a sudden I felt a pain… it was diarrhea.

Luckily no one heard that one with all the laughing going on, but I got up to go to the trashcan and everyone started laughing at me. When I had farted not just gas had come out, and now it was all over the back of my white shorts.

“A big doodoo spot!” this boy kept shouting out, pointing at me. This boy just kept saying “Ooh, gross! She has shit on the back of her shorts!”

Boy was I glad it was the end of the year. I guess God punished me for lying on the girl next to me.

Posted in Jokes/Embarrassing Stories   email  submit comment »