submitted by reaper.xial on 05.25.2006

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.

2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).

7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

17. Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

18. Oliver’s Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

19. Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it

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submitted by Sang on 03.21.2006

If a police officer in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, suspects a couple is having sex inside a vehicle they must honk their horn three times, and wait two minutes before being allowed to approach the scene.

Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister, according to an Illinois state law.

A law in Oblong, Illinois makes it a crime to make love while fishing or hunting on your wedding day.

A law in Fairbanks, Alaska, does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

Clinton, Oklahoma, has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.

In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.

In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.

Hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, are required by law to furnish their rooms with twin beds only. There should be a minimum of two feet between the beds, and it is illegal for a couple to make love on the floor between the beds.

In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city’s airport property.

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman’s name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.

No woman may go in public without wearing a corset in Norfolk, Virginia.

In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (including the wedding night)

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.

In Ames Iowa a husband may not take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife.

A law in Alexandria, Minnesota makes it illegal for a husband to make love to his wife if his breath smells like garlic, onions, or sardines.

In Bozeman, Montana, you can’t perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, and if you are nude.

A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance on a saloon table unless her clothing weights more than three pounds, two ounces.

Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska are required by law to provide a clean, white cotton nightshirt to each guest. According to the law, no couple may have sex unless they are wearing the nightshirts.

Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.

During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico, no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.

In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.

In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.

In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot of a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.

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submitted by Sang on 12.29.2005

1. In South Bend, Indiana, it is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
2. Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
3. A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code 15-2.1-21-13(b)
4. A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
5. It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
6. It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
7. Liquor stores may not sell milk.
8. Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.
9. You can get out of paying for a dependent’s medical care by praying for him/her.
10. One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.
11. Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.
12. Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.
13. Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.
14. No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
15. Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
16. You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table; the waiter or waitress has to do it.
17. Drinks on the house are illegal.
18. Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
19. You are required to pour your drink into a glass.
20. “Spiteful Gossip” and “talking behind a person’s back” are illegal.
21. State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.
22. All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.
23. Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
24. Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
25. If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.
26. Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
27. A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
28. The value of Pi is 4, and not 3.1415.
29. Auburn: It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area. For these offenses, there is a fine of no more than $5 or the impounding of one’s bicycle for a period not to exceed 30 days.
30. Beech Grove: It is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.
31. Elkhart: It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid’s ears.
32. Evansville: While driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on.
33. Fort Wayne: You may not sell or play on a radio broadcast, the record “It’s In the Book”.
34. Gary: Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.
35. South Bend: It is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
36. Back in 1924, a monkey was convicted in South Bend of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay a 25 dollar fine and the trial costs.
37. Terre Haute: No one may spit on the sidewalk.

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submitted by Sang on 12.28.2005

Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.

Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

Bathhouses are against the law.

It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

Women may not drive in a house coat.

No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.

Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.

Arcadia: Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.

Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.

Belvedere: City Council order reads: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.

Blythe: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.

Burlingame: It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds.

Cathedral City: It is prohibited to sleep in a parked vehicle.

Cathedral City: Persons may not ride their bicycles through the “Fountain of Life”.

Cathedral City: One may not bring their dog to school.

Cerritos: All dog “waste” must be removed from any yard within seven days.

Chico: One must obtain a permit from the city to throw hay in a cesspool.

Chico: It is illegal to own a green or smelly animal hide.

Chico: Bowling on the sidewalk is illegal.

Chico: Driving a herd of cattle down a street is against the law.

Chico: It is illegal to plant a garden in any public street.

Chico: Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.

Dana Point: One may not use one’s own restroom if the window is open.

Downey: It is illegal to wash your car in the street.

El Monte: Sandboxes may not be used as ashtrays.

El Monte: Pinball machines are outlawed, as well as mock horse racing games.

El Monte: Waitresses are not allowed to consume drinks bought by her customers.

Eureka: Persons may not sleep on a road.

Eureka: One must seek written permission from the Director of Public Works before playing baseball in a city park.

Eureka: Men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women.

Eureka: A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.

Fresno: No one may annoy a lizard in a city park.

Fresno: Skipping rocks in a city park is not allowed.

Fresno: It is against the law to hold a private bingo game.

Fresno: Permanent markers may not be sold in the city limits.

Fresno: It is illegal to sell gasoline to a drunken person.

Fresno: Elementary schools may not host poker tournaments.

Fresno: Getting drunk on a playground is against the law.

Glendale: One may not take his dog on an elevator with him.

Glendale: A person must be 18 years old to buy a wax container.

Glendale: It is illegal to jump into a passing car.

Glendale: Cars may not be driven in reverse.

Hermosa Beach: Public restrooms must be supplied with toilet paper.

Hermosa Beach: No person may show his or her buttocks on a playground.

Hermosa Beach: It is illegal to pour salt on a highway.

Hollywood: It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.

Indian Wells: It is illegal for a trumpet player to play his instrument with the intention of luring someone to a store.

Indian Wells: Drinking intoxicating cement is prohibited.

Indian Wells: Fortelling the future for donations is illegal.

Indian Wells: Crushing rocks in the city limits is forbidden.

Lafayette: You are forbidden to spit on the ground within 5 feet of another person.

Lodi: It is illegal to shoot “silly string” at parade participants.

Lompoc: It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters.

Long Beach: Cars are the only item allowed in a garage.

Long Beach: It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.

Los Angeles: It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent.

Los Angeles: You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.

Los Angeles: You may not hunt moths under a street light.

Los Angeles: It is illegal to cry on the witness stand.

Los Angeles: Toads may not be licked.

Los Angeles: It is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church.

Los Angeles: Zoot suits are prohibited.

Los Angeles County: All food in a children’s camp must be approved by the director before being used.

Los Angeles County: It is illegal to set metal balloons afloat in the air.

Los Angeles County: It is illegal to skateboard and roller-skate through the courthouse and library.

Norco: Vehicles may not contain sound systems which allow someone to hear noise outside the vehicle.

Norco: It is unlawful to give another fireworks.

Norco: All persons wishing to keep a rhinoceros as a pet must obtain a $100 license first.

Norco: Growing oleander flowers is illegal.

Ontario: Roosters may not crow in the city limits.

Pacific Grove: It is illegal to molest butterflies.

Palm Springs: It is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six PM.

Pasadena: It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.

Portola: One may not allow his or her dog to chase a squirrel in the summer.

Portola: It is illegal to fish from an overpass in the city.

Portola: No person may carry a fish into a bar.

Prunedale: Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.

Redlands: Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with a lantern is wallking ahead of it.

Riverside: One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o’clock.

San Diego: It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar.

San Diego: The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to $250.

San Francisco: Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash.

San Francisco: It is illegal to wipe one’s car with used underwear.

San Francisco: Persons classified as “ugly” may not walk down any street.

San Francisco: It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.

San Francisco: Giving or receiving oral sex is prohibited.

San Jose: It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs.

San Luis Obispo: Using a gas-powered blower at a business on Sunday is prohibited.

Santa Monica: You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.

Shasta Lake: One may not raffle off a dog as a gift in any public place.

Simi Valley: Remote control cars can only be driven in designated areas of city parks.

Temecula: Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St.

Thousand Oaks: Before a business may have a “going out of business sale”, they must obtain a special permit from the city manager.

Walnut: Ice cream men must obtain a license before selling any ice cream from their car. details

Walnut: Kites may not be flown above 10 feet over the ground.

Walnut: Children may not wear a halloween mask unless they get a special permit from the sheriff.

Walnut: Persons may not pick flowers from the city parks. details

Walnut: Males may not dress as a female unless a special permit is obtained from the sheriff.

Walnut: One may not leave sand in their own driveway.

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submitted by Sang on 12.20.2005

• Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents.

• Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk.

• You may not catch a fish with your hands.

• You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.

• Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish.

• Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, but a hunting license is required to hunt on your own land.

• It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to • 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.

• The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.

• A special cleaning ordinance bans homemakers from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

• No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.

• It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.

• Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.

• A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.

• Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.

• No more than two packages of beer at a time may be purchased, unless you are buying from an official “beer distributor”

• All liquor stores must be run by the state.

• Carlisle: In the middle of town, one must pay a fee of $50 dollars a year to park on a particular block. At night, however, the cars must be moved for street cleaning. This law is enforced even if snow or ice prevents the cars from being moved.

• Connellsville: One’s pants may be worn no lower than five inches below the waist.

• Danville: All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.

• Millville: One may not shoot any dog that is found wandering the streets.

• Morrisville: It is required that a woman have a permit to wear cosmetics.

• Newtown: Every outlet or switch (which can be purchased for 59 cents) that is installed requires an electrical inspection fee of 1 dollar and 33 cents.

• Pittsburgh: It is still illegal to bring a donkey or a mule onto a trolley car.

• Pittsburgh: No one is allowed to sleep on a refrigerator.

• Ridley Park: You cannot walk backwards eating peanuts in front of the Barnstormers Auditorium during a performance.

• Tarentum: Horses are not to be tied to parking meters.

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submitted by Sang on 12.15.2005

• In Minnesota, it’s illegal to tease skunks. (As if being sprayed weren’t enough of a deterrent.)

• A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.

• It is illegal to sleep naked.

• All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts.

• Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.

• All bathtubs must have feet.

• Hibbing: It shall be the duty of any policeman or any other officer to enforce the provisions of this Section, and if any cat is found running at large, or which is found in any street, alley or public place, it shall be the duty of any policeman or other officer of the city to kill such cat.

• Minneapolis: Red cars can not drive down Lake Street.

• St. Cloud: Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays.

• Virginia: You’re not allowed to park your elephant on Main Street.

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submitted by Sang on 12.13.2005

*It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.

*Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden.

*It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.

*Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden.

*If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them.

*Spearfish: If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.

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submitted by Sang on 12.7.2005

• It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.
• It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of spooking horses.
• Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.
• Auburn: No person may spit on the floor of a church.
  
  It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area.
  
  Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail.
• Huntsville: If an animal control officer is in uniform, it signifies to the public that he is an animal control officer.
• Lee County: It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.
• Mobile: Women may not wear a ‘lewd dress’ in public.
  
  No one may use a ‘funk ball’ within the city limits.
  
  Bathing in city fountains is prohibited.
  
  No person within the city may possess confetti.
  
  It is illegal to spit orange peels on the sidewalk.
  
  ‘Spray String’ is banned.
  
  Most locales do not have this problem, but Mobile found it necessary to ban bicycles from the interstate highways.
  
  If one wishes to read palms in the city, they must first pay $10 for a permit.
  
  It is illegal to howl at ladies within the city limits.
  
  It is unlawful to wear women’s pumps with sharp, high heels.
• Montgomery: It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of spooking horses.

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submitted by Sang on 12.6.2005

• Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
• Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
• Tattoos are banned.
• It is illegal to wear your boots to bed.
• Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus.
• Tissues are not to be found in the back of one’s car.
• Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
• Whale hunting is strictly prohibitted throughout the entire state of Oklahoma.
• In Tulsa, Oklahoma the limit on kisses is three minutes (by law).
• Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another’s hamburger.
• It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.
• One may not promote a “horse tripping event”.
• No one may spit on a sidewalk.
• Ada: If you wear New York Jets clothing, you may be put in jail.
• Hawthahorne: It is unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.
• Oklahoma City: No one may walk backwards downtown while eating a hamburger.
• Schulter: Women may not gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel.
• Tulsa: You may not open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.
• Tulsa: Elephants are not to be taken into the downtown area.
• Wynona: One’s mode of transportation must be tied up while not attended.
• Wynona: Mules may not drink out of bird baths.
• Wynona: Clothes may not be washed in bird baths.
• Yukon: It is illegal to tie a horse in front of city hall.

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