submitted by Sang on 01.31.2006

A blonde’s car breaks down on the interstate one day, so she eases it over onto the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

Out jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs.

It’s not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What the heck is going on here?”

“My car broke down,” explains the blonde. “Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?” screams the cop. “Those are my emergency flashers!” replied the blonde.

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submitted by Sang on 01.31.2006

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, “Can you help me when you get home?”

“Sure,” he replies. “What’s the problem?”

“Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can’t even find the edge pieces.”

“Look on the box,” he said. “There’s always a picture of what the puzzle is.”

“It’s a big rooster,” she said.

The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, “Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box.”

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submitted by Sang on 01.28.2006

A man entered a bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls. He sat down next to, you guessed it, a blonde.

The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets . Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls.”

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

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submitted by Sang on 01.24.2006

A blonde appeared on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire,” and towards the end of the show, she has already won half a million. She has one question to go.

“You’ve done very well so far,” said Regis, “but you have only one more lifeline, phone-a-friend. Are you sure you want to continue?”

“Sure,” said the blonde. “let’s do this!”

“OK. The question is: which of the following birds does NOT build it’s own nest?

(a) robin, (b) sparrow, (c) cuckoo, or (d) thrush.”

“I have no idea,” said Mick, “so I’ll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Stacey [a blonde] back home.”

The blonde called her friend, told her the situation, and read the questions to her.

“Well, duh!” cried Stacey. “It’s a cuckoo, silly!”

“Are you sure, Stacey?” asked the blonde.

“Positive!”

“I’ll go with cuckoo as my answer.”

“Is that your final answer?” asked Regis.

“Sure is.”

There was a long, long pause, then Regis screamed, “Cuckoo is the correct answer! You’ve won $1 million!”

The next night, the blonde invited Stacey over to her house for a party.

“Stace, how did you know it was the cuckoo that doesn’t build it’s own nest?”

“Everybody knows a cuckoo lives in a clock!”

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submitted by Sang on 01.22.2006

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which.

A neighbour suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse’s tail and our blonde friend was stuck again.

The neighbour suggested she notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn’t tell them apart.

The neighbour suggested she measure the horses for height.

When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.

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submitted by Sang on 01.22.2006

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.

“Easy,” she replied. “He only has one eye.”

The chief was stunned. “He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!” He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him.

“He only has one ear,” was her answer.

“What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!” He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, “How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer.”

After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, “He’s wearing contact lenses.”

This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn’t tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, “How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!”

“Well,” she said, “he can’t wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?”

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submitted by Sang on 01.21.2006

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn’t hear her correctly and says, “come again?” The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, “oh, no it’s just mustard this time.”

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submitted by Sang on 01.16.2006

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied,

“There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL.”

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submitted by Sang on 01.12.2006

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? A: You need a quarter to use the phone.

Alternate answer: Only one person can use the phone at once.

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