submitted by Sang on 03.9.2006
Sergeant: Someone is robbing the bank. Put a man at all the exits!
Blonde Officer: All right.
10 minutes later…
Blonde Officer: He got away, Sir.
Sergeant: How could he have gotten away?!? I told you to put a man at every exit!
Blonde Officer: He left by one of the entrances, Sir.
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submitted by Sang on 03.3.2006
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?”
“Objection!” said the defense attorney. “Irrelevant!”
“Oh, that’s okay,” said the blonde from the witness stand. “I don’t mind answering the question.”
“I object!” the defense said again.
“No, really,” said the blonde. “I’ll answer.”
The judge ruled: “If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object.”
So the prosecutor repeated the question: “Where were you the night of August 24th?”
The blonde replied brightly, “I don’t know.”
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submitted by Sang on 02.17.2006
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”
The blonde opened his lunch and said, “Bologna” again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I’m jumping too.”
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.
The blonde opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!”
The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife…”Hey, don’t look at me,” she said, “he makes his own lunch.”
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submitted by Sang on 02.7.2006
Three blondes are walking through the forest. They come upon some tracks.
The first blonde says “They’re deer tracks.”
The second blonde says “They’re bear tracks.”
The third blonde says “They’re moose tracks.”
Then a train hits them.
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submitted by Sang on 02.7.2006
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
“What’s up?” he says.
“I’m having a heart attack!” cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year old son comes up and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!”
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
“You jerk!,” says the husband, “my wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!”
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submitted by Sang on 02.7.2006
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.
“I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents, ” she said.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’”
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submitted by Sang on 02.2.2006
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.
Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By the chipped tooth.
Q: How can you tell that a blonde has had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn’t know what she did with her cigarette.
Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: But why do brunettes take the pill?
A: Wishful thinking.
Q: Why do blondes have T.G.I.F. on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: Why do blondes have T.G.I.F. on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.
Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his or her ear?
A: “Thanks for the refill.”
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submitted by Sang on 02.1.2006
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last year’s hide-and-go-seek winner.
Q: Why are only 2% of all blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt-n-peckers.
Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything?
A: Penicillin.
Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell off of a building, who would hit the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It’s on. It’s off. It’s on. It’s off. It’s on. It’s off.
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call twenty blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde’s head?
A: A Space Invader.
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submitted by Sang on 02.1.2006
Welcome to Manly Jokes for Manly Men.
Blonde Jokes
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before Saint Peter at the gate to heaven. St. Peter said to them, “Before you may enter the gates of heaven you have to tell me what Easter is.”
The first blonde said, “Easter is a holiday where we all have a big feast and we’re thankful.” St. Peter said, “NO!” and banished her to Hell.
The second blonde said, “Easter is a holiday where we celebrate Jesus’ birth and give each other presents.” St. Peter said, “NO!” and banished her to Hell.
The third blonde said, “I know what Easter is.” St. Peter said, “Okay then, tell me.”
She starts, “Easter is Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung him on the cross where he died. Then they buried him in a tomb behind a large boulder.”
St. Peter said, “Very good!” The blonde interrupted and added, “Every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow we have six more weeks of winter.”
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