Sangent

submitted by Sang on 03.12.2006 in Jokes

• Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
• Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans…we are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
• Midlife has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.
• You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.
• You know you’ve crossed the midlife threshold when you’re in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of “Stairway to Heaven” in the produce department.
• Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don’t bounce back.(It’s more like Splat!)
• Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves…and that you’re now sitting on your biggest ones.
• It’s very hard to “get jiggy with it” in midlife…jiggly, yes; jiggy, no.
• Midlife is when your 1970s Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally. (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin).
• Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, “Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!
• Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, “For this I have stretch marks?
• Midlife is when your memory really starts to go. The only thing you still retain is water.
• You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the “big” questions– what is life, why am I here…how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it’s no longer a healthy choice?

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