Sangent

submitted by Sang on 03.1.2006 in Jokes

Nicknames

• If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
• But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

Eating Out

• When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Money

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

Bathrooms

• A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
• The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Arguments

• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Cats

• Women love cats.
• Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

Future

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Success

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Marriage

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.

Dressing Up

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Natural

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Offspring

• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Mistakes

• Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Related posts:

• Computer Gender
• Gender Roles
• I’m Glad I’m a Man
• Differences
• Boy Gets to Attend School As Girl

(2 votes, average: 3 out of 5)

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