Sangent

submitted by Sang on 12.22.2005 in Jokes

1. Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
   A: No, 35 children is enough.

2. Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
   A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

3. Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
   A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

4. Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
   A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

5. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
   A: Childbirth.

6. Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
   A: Cause you’re fatter than they are.

7. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational
   A: So what’s your question?

8. Q: What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
   A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him).

9. Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
   A: Whatever she says divided by two.

10. Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
    A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

11. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
    A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

12. Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
    A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

13. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
    A: Yes, pregnancy

14. Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
    A: It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

15. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
    A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

16. Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
    A: When the kids are in college.

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• How to Answer Questions from Your Girl
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• Q & A For New Parents
• iPod Shuffle is NOT a Pregnancy Test Strip

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