Sangent

submitted by Sang on 12.19.2005 in Jokes

1. Ms. Nice Guy - “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, darling, you shouldn’t have!”
   Also known as: Whattagal, Precious, one of the boys, My Main Squeeze, Doormat
   Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
   Disadvantages: May wise up someday

2. Old Yeller - “You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can’t you see you’re making me miserable??”
   Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
   Advantages: Pays attention to you
   Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

3. Sickly - “Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite.”
   Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy
   Advantages: Predictable
   Disadvantages: Contagious

4. The Bosser - “Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don’t give me that look.”
   Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, Yes Mom
   Advantages: Often right
   Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

5. Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - “I just can’t decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?”
   Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C’mon Honey
   Advantages: Easily soothed
   Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

6. Wild Woman out of Control - “I’ve got an idea. Lez get drunk an’ make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S’fun.”
   Also known as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out
   Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
   Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

7. Huffy - “I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at.”
   Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold fish, Chilly Proposition, Iceberg, Snarly
   Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
   Disadvantages: You will have no friends

8. Woman from Mars - “I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship.”
   Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic
   Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
   Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

9. Ms. Dreamgirl - “I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now!”
   Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
   Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
   Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you

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