submitted by Sang on 12.16.2005 in Jokes/Computers
If you introduce your wife as “mylady@home.wife”
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
If Dilbert is your hero
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids’ toys
If you use a CAD package to design your son’s Pine Wood Derby car
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
If you have “Dilbert” comics di.splayed anywhere in your work area
If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera’s flash attachment
If you don’t even know where the cover to your personal computer is
If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
If you own “Official Star Trek” anything
If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what’s inside
If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance “as-is”
If you see a good design and still have to change it
If the salespeople at Circuit City can’t answer any of your questions
If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don’t remember where they are
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
If you have more toys than your kids
If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family’s first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use
If you can type 70 words a minute but can’t read your own handwriting
If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
If you can’t remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
If your checkbook always balances
If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
If you thought the real heroes of “Apollo 13″ were the mission controllers
If you think that when pe.ople around you yawn, it’s because they didn’t get enough sleep
If you spend more on your home computer than your car
If you know what http:/ stands for
If you’ve ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply “Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!”
When driving you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see if you can raise CD.
When you are counting objects “0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D…”.
When you lay down in the afternoon for a short rest, end up sleeping 4 hours, and call it a “mega-nap”.
When your friend is going to Essex for vacation and you tell her, “You really should go for the DX, it has the built in co-processor.”
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When you have to go to the bathroom, but you wait until bladder meltdown, since “goto” is bad programming style.
When you convince yourself that Tetris really does improve eye-hand coordination.
When the radio traffic reporter talks about a backup caused by a crash, and you correct him that a backup is good protection in case of a crash.
When floppy drive applies more to your love life, and hard drive to your machines.
When you call “.” star-dot-star.
When you can do hexadecimal arithmatic in your head.
When your wife goes to the market for some macintosh apples, and you correct her, “No, dear, it’s ‘Apple Macintoshes’.”
When your wife says “IF you don’t turn off that damn machine and come to bed, THEN I am going to divorce you!”, and you chastise her for for omitting the ELSE clause.
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