Celebrities’ Views on Sex

submitted by Sang on 12.14.2005 in Jokes

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
-Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
-Rodney Dangerfield

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women, chief amonst which is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.
-Lynn Lavner

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
-Camille Paglia

Sex is one of the 9 reasons for reincarnation. The other 8 are unimportant.
-George Burns

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
-Sharon Stone

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
-Tiger Woods

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
-Jack Nicholson

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
-Barbara Bush (Former U.S. First Lady, and you didn’t think Barbara had a sense of humor)

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.
-Robin Williams

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
-Billy Crystal

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful.
-Robert De Niro

There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?
-Dustin Hoffman

There’s very little advice in mens’ magazines because men think: ‘I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked’.
-Jerry Seinfeld

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give here a house.
-Rod Stewart