Archive for December, 2005
submitted by Sang on 12.31.2005
Guess That Smell
The Russian Roulette Booth
Knife Juggling
Dunk the Drunk
Make Your Own Jerky
The Hall of Gym Shorts
Meet the Cafeteria Staff!
Nude Ski-Ball
Bobbing for Syringes
Face Tattoo Booth
Mayonnaise Tasting!
The John Wilkes Booth
Posted in Jokes
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submitted by Sang on 12.31.2005
Superman is looking to have a night out. He calls Batman. Batman out with Robin. He calls the Invisible Man. He doesn’t pick up his phone. So he’s flying around the city looking for something to do. With his supersite he sees into Wonder Woman’s window, and she’s spread eagle on the bed. He thinks “I’m faster than a speeding bullet. I could fly in, do my thing, and then fly out and she’ll never know.” He does this and while he’s flying away he hears Wonder Woman with his super hearing saying “did you hear something?” and the Invisible Man saying “No, but man my ass hurts”
Posted in Jokes
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submitted by Sang on 12.31.2005
There was once a blonde who works in a condom factory. Unfortunately, she was thinking she’s making little sleeping bags for mice.
Posted in Jokes/Blondes
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submitted by Sang on 12.31.2005
Did you know that you can hear subliminal messages in Jingle Bells? I didn’t know either, but one person had enough time on his hands to play Jingle Bells backwards, and listen intently for the lyrics. Check it out.
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submitted by Sang on 12.31.2005
Using a microscope
Shooting pool
Framing things with my hands
Giving the ‘ol Evil Eye
Archery
Wearing my Nick Fury costume
Playing one-handed peek-a-boo
Attracting parrots
Misjudging distance
Staying away from BB guns
Posted in Jokes
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submitted by Sang on 12.31.2005
- “Checking her fever, with two in the beaver”
- “Crimson: 2, Brown: 1.”
- “Dos en el hueco, con uno en el seco.”
- “Dos en el rosado, y uno en el morado.”
- “Dos en la crica, con uno en la pica.”
- “Dos en la hamaca, con uno en la caca.”
Posted in Jokes
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submitted by Sang on 12.31.2005
A, C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, “Get out now. You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next nightin a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.”
This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, with the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest, and closes the bar
Posted in Jokes/Puns
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submitted by Sang on 12.31.2005
Q: What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Detroit Lions.
Q: What do the Detroit Lions and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ.”
Q: How do you keep a Detroit Lion out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Where do you go in Detroit in case of a tornado?
A: To Ford Field - they never get a touchdown there.
Q: What do you call a Detroit Lion with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.
Q: Why doesn’t Grand Rapids have a professional football team?
A: Because then Detroit would want one.
Q: What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: How many Detroit Lions does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out.
Q: What do the Detroit Lions and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road
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