Strange Depositions | Sangent - The Daily Ramblings

submitted by Sang on 10.19.2005 in Jokes

[This is supposed to be an actual court transcript. — remember, you found it on the Internet!]

A deposition, for those who don’t know, is a testimony under oath, especially a statement by a witness that is written down or recorded for use in court at a later date.

To: All Staff Attorneys Subject: Depositions and Their Use

A friend sent me the following portion of a transcript, which was confirmed with one of the counsel involved (Ms. Olschner) and subsequently posted on Lexis Counsel Connect. The transcript is from Birmingham, Alabama, although the use of a deposition of a party opponent ‘for any purpose’ is also in the federal rules. We have no word on what had happened immediately prior to this exchange:

The Court: Next witness.

Ms. Olschner: Your Honor, at this time I would like to swat Mr. Buck in the head with his client’s deposition.

The Court: You mean read it?

Ms. Olschner: No, sir. I mean to swat him [in] the head with it. Pursuant to Rule 32, I may use the deposition ‘for any purpose’ and that is the purpose for which I want to use it.

The Court: Well, it does say that.

(Pause.)

The Court: There being no objection, you may proceed.

Ms. Olschner: Thank you, Judge Hanes.

(Whereupon Ms. Olschner swatted Mr. Buck in the head with a deposition.)

Mr. Buck: But Judge…

The Court: Next witness.

Mr. Buck: We object.

The Court: Sustained. Next witness.