submitted by Sang on 09.13.2005

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm.

His wife turned over and said, “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again.

This time he whispered in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

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submitted by Sang on 09.12.2005

Best Buddies ® is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization dedicated to enhancing the lives of people with intellectual disabilities by providing opportunities for one-to-one friendships and integrated employment. Best Buddies is an international nonprofit organization dedicated to forming friendships between students, citizens, and people with intellectual disabilities. As friends, you hang out with your Buddy, talk on the phone, take walks, go to the movies, and just be friends!

In short, this is a site that I made for a club at Agnes Scott College. I wanted to post this here so that that site will get more hits…so Googlebot and Yahoo! Slurp, you guys know what to do.

+snguyen

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submitted by Sang on 09.12.2005

Floatutorial takes you through the basics of floating elements such as images, drop caps, next and back buttons, image galleries, inline lists and multi-column layouts.

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submitted by Sang on 09.12.2005

You might be a Republican if…

1. You’re a pro-lifer but support the death penalty.

2. You’ve ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

3. You’ve ever uttered the phrase “Why don’t we just bomb the sons of bitches?”

4. You’ve ever called a secretary or waitress “Honey.”

5. You don’t think The Simpsons is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

6. You don’t let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of “sexual deviance.”

7. You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit.

8. You scream “Dit-dit-ditto” while making love.

9. You’ve argued that art has a “moral foundation set in Western values.”

10. You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

11. You argue that you need 300 handguns in case a bear ever attacks your home.

12. Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

13. You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.

14. You’ve ever said “Clean air? Looks clean to me.”

15. You’ve ever referred to Anita Hill as “that lying bitch” while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

16. You’ve ever called education a luxury.

17. You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

18. You own a vehicle with an “Ollie North: American Hero” sticker.

19. You’re afraid of the “liberal media.”

20. You ever based an argument on the phrase, “Well, tradition dictates …”

21. You’ve ever called the National Endowment for the Arts “a bunch of pornographers.”

22. You think all artists are gay.

23. You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn’t want to contribute to society.

You might be a Democrat if…

1. You believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You believe that the same teacher who can’t teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth’s climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You are against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

8. You believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

12. You believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinmen are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

15. You believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren’t.

16. You believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

17. You believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

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submitted by Sang on 09.12.2005

Two of the most common indications of nervousness are trembling hands and a need to urinate. It’s hardly surprising, then, that the floors of men’s airport toilets are soaked with piss: most of the gents who use the facilities are at least a little concerned at the prospect of their upcoming flight.

Until recently, the lavatories at Amsterdam’s Schiphol airport were no exception, as nervous flyers emptied their bladders everywhere except in the urinals. However after a debate among airport staff, Schiphol hit upon a possible solution.

The cleaners began painting flies on the inside of urinals, the theory being that men would always aim for the little ‘fellas’ (flies) in an attempt to piss them down the drain. And it seems to have worked. With 700 fake flies now resident in the airport’s conveniences, the level of splashing has been reduced by 80%, and the toilet manufacturers are now producing a line of ‘bogs’ (toilets) complete with pre-painted flies.

“There is something about male psychology that makes men aim for targets when they pee - if there’s something on the urinal, they will always try to blast it off,” explains Schiphol’s Marianne De Bie.

Here’s a picture (click to enlarge):

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submitted by Sang on 09.11.2005

Below is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.

This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride’s and groom’s families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception.

To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So, taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party. He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.

After he stood there and watched the people’s reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said “Screw you,” he turned to the bride and said “Screw you,” and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, “I’m out of here.” He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning.

While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong. His revenge?

Making the bride’s parents pay over $32,000 for 300 guests at the wedding and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and, best of all, trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of all of their friends, their entire families, i.e. their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.

This guy has balls the size of church bells. This is his world; we just live in it.

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submitted by Sang on 09.9.2005

An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her.

She kept screaming “Fujifoo, Fujifoo!!!” which the guy took to be pleasurable…

The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one.

Wanting to impress the clients, he said “Fujifoo”.

The Japanese clients looked confused and said “No, you got the right hole.”

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submitted by Sang on 09.8.2005

An unemployed young man saw a Help Wanted sign outside a large convention center. He went in an applied for the job.

“We have a major business convention tomorrow - some of the most important executives in the world will be coming! I need someone who will take care of security, check the invitations, give directions, etc. You will stand at the front door. Can you do it?” said the manager.

“Oh, YES SIR!” said the young man.

The following night the manager gave final instructions.

“THIS IS YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION AND A LIST OF YOUR DUTIES! You need to be paying attention! I need your full cooperation! You HAVE to do this job correctly! I have put these directions on this paper!” he said, handing it to the young man. “Remember! The guests remain on the convention floor! The rest of the center is being used! And keep things clean! And the floor is slippery! Be careful! And you are SECURITY! So keep order!”

“Yes, SIR!” said the idiot enthusiastically.

An hour later, the convention was going well and the manager was greeting the executives. Then he heard something strange. He went outside and his mouth dropped open in shock. He saw a very distinguished gentleman, an impeccably dressed, handsome and dignified city executive in a $3,000 navy blue pinstriped business suit, carefully knotted red silk tie, starched white shirt, hundred dollar haircut and silver cufflinks. However, this corporate executive was barefoot! In addition, he was down on all fours and cleaning the floor with a scrub brush!

The idiot, now the security guard and greeter, was yelling orders and in one hand he held a pair of highly polished Italian leather loafers. In the other he held a pair of black silk business socks.

“Please! This is an Armani suit! It’s getting WET!” begged the executive. “And when can I put my shoes and socks back on?”

“No questions, and get to work!” snapped the idiot, and slapped the soles of the executive’s bare feet. The executive shuddered.

The manager ran over to the businessman and helped him up. The executive’s face was beet red with anger and humiliation.

“You will be SUED! This is an outrage! He pushed me down and pulled these right off my feet! Give me those! He told me to start scrubbing or he would use his gun!” yelled the executive, and he grabbed his shiny expensive shoes and socks from the young man.

“What are you doing?!” shouted the manager to the idiot, in shock. “How dare you?!”

The idiot looked bewildered.

“But I’m just following directions, sir! You said: Keep things clean! Keep order!”

The manager yelled: “He was BAREFOOT on ALL FOURS and wearing an ARMANI SUIT!”

The idiot said: “But it says right here: ‘KEEP GUESTS ON THE FLOOR AT ALL TIMES! NO EXCEPTIONS!”

The manager groaned. “But what about his SHOES? Why did you take them away from him? Are you crazy?

The idiot pointed at his job decsription: “NO LOAFERS WILL BE TOLERATED!”

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submitted by Sang on 09.8.2005

Strategies and how to get directly connected to someone with a pulse instead of listening to a damn recording at most major companies. Very interesting and helpful.

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