submitted by Sang on 09.17.2005

A husband and wife decided they needed to use “code” to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, “Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter”.

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, “Tell your daddy that he can’t type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter.” The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, “Tell daddy that he can type that letter now.”

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, “Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand.”

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submitted by Sang on 09.17.2005

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid clichés like the plague.
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren’t necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
12. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
13. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. Be more or less specific.
15. Understatement is always best.
16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

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submitted by Sang on 09.17.2005

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is GOLF.

The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

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submitted by Sang on 09.16.2005

Aarons are dependable and talented.

Allens are preppy.

Alexes like porno, usually hot in a skater kinda way

Everyone has an Andy.

Bens are the smart, silent type.

Bills are the ones everyone chases and no one gets to keep.

Bob is the universal name.

Brads try too hard.

Brandons are dark haired, players.

Bretts are shy and clumsy.

Brians usually have only one good feature (but I haven’t quite found it yet)

Calebs never grow up.

Carters are rich, power-hungry snobs.

Chads are hot, quiet but interesting once you get inside.

Charlies are walking sex.

Chris’ are undefined and should remain so.

Craigs are a little misguided.

Dans are thick.

Daves are impossible to get over.

Dennis’ are quiet, desperate flirts.

Devons are destined for trouble.

Doug is the nice guy that repulses you.

Eds are thbp.

Eddies are fast.

Erics are forgettable.

Ethans smell .

Franks and Tony’s are Italian Stallions.

Fred is in the chess club.

Fredericks could be snotty.

Garys are gross Nazi’s.

Georges are mild-mannered and have weight problems.

Glens are either short or intelligent.

Gregs are bizarre.

Initial name guys are cool.

Jakes are insecure and slightly repulsive .

James’ are egotistical and stupid.

Jamies are shy but cuddly.

Jareds think they are the best thing since sliced bread.

Jasons are fun loving and handsome.

Jeffs are lost puppies, though they are adorable.

Jeremys are a tad fruity.

Jimmy’s are sweet and sexy!

Joes are awkward, shy-guys in first date situations.

Joels are frustrated. tend to hang out with Nelsons

It’s hard to stand out if your name is John.

Joshes are romantic back-stabbers.

Justins mess with your mind.

Kevins have swanky hair.

Keith is built, but dry and annoying. It’s like dating a broom.

Kens just don’t measure-up.

Korys are egotistical, pleasure-driven jerks.

Kyles are horny bastards!

There is always something wrong with a Kurt.

Leonards are avid bug collectors.

Lesters are molesters.

Lonnies are nasty.

Marcus’ are players

Marks are ‘touchy.’

Martins have a strange sense of humor.

Matts are queer- one T or two.

Mikes are rascally, troublesome guys but are usually nice.

Nates are cocky for a reason.

Nelsons are home-schooled.

Nicks are jerks, immature and only want your body.

Owens have large families and drive fast.

Patricks are also incredibly sexy.

Pauls suffer from male-pattern baldness.

Peters are stalkers.

Phils are sensitive but geeky.

Philips are more geeky but equally sensitive.

Rays are players but majorly hot!

Randys have facial hair problems and pyro tendencies.

Richard–Dick, need I say more?

Rickies are very sensitive, cute, and charming!

Robs are sleazy and make you feel cheap.

Robins are tormented.

Rod (the name itself) is perverted.

Rons are into pasta.

Roys are so childish.

Ryans are never appreciated.

Sams just like sex.

Scotts are hormonal and usually bad news.

Shawns are sweet in one-on-one situations.

Shanes are shady.

Simons are thin.

Steves are extremes (usually incredibly good looking incredibly bad)

Theos (or Theodores) always make you smile.

Timothys like to be mommied.

Todds are sweet, sporty guys.

Toms are nerdy but poetic. They have that inner something.

Tommys are way to possessive & need to get a life!

Travis’ are dumb jocks.

Tylers are genetically small .

Vances are good conversationalists.

Wesleys are romantic.

Williams are fat.

Zacks are good looking, but aloof.

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submitted by Sang on 09.16.2005

Check out the logo for this pediatric center. Something about it just doesn’t look right.

read more | digg story

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submitted by Sang on 09.15.2005

Challenge! Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men everywhere)… women are on their own. But, there IS a code of the rest room that MUST be followed. The, following is the urinal configuration in a sample men’s room. An X above the number will indicate "in use."


(Sample)

		X			X
1	2	3	4	5	6

Indicates men are at stalls 3 and 6.

You mission is to identify correctly, based on proper urinal etiquette, the stall at which you should stand. Good luck!

Easy Section

1) Urinals 2 and 4 are occupied.

	X		X
1	2	3	4	5	6

The correct answer is 6. It’s the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively knows this.

2) Urinal 1 is occupied.

X
1	2	3	4	5	6

The correct answer is 6. Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of being next to someone who arrives later.

Kind of Tricky Section

3) No urinals are occupied.

1	2	3	4	5	6

The correct answer is 1 or 6. By choosing one of these, you are tacitly saying, "I don’t want anyone next to me."

4) Urinals 2, 4 and 6 are occupied.

	X		X		X
1	2	3	4	5	6

The correct answer is 1. You’re stuck being next to at least ONE guy, so you minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys if you can help it. Exceptions to this are stadium rest rooms where the herd thunders in.

Subtle, Tricky, but Important to Know Section

5) Urinals 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.

	X			X	X
1	2	3	4	5	6

The correct answer is 4. Believe it or not, 1 or 3 "couples" you with the guy in stall 2. And we wouldn’t want THAT now, would we? This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances cannot be explained. Suffice it to say, only we men would understand!

VERY Tricky Indeed Section

6) Urinals 1, 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.

X	X			X	X
1	2	3	4	5	6

The answer is NONE! You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD, for God’s sake, man, use a stall with a door!

Other Parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:

• NO Talking, unless it’s a good friend…but even then, keep it terse and unemotional. This ain’t no clubhouse.
• I don’t think I need to tell you, but absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another’s elbow is the highest offense.
• NO Singing. Period.
• Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only…"Yeah, I see you there. I will not look again."

Who’d have thought SO much goes into a seemingly simple process?

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submitted by Sang on 09.14.2005

(Another true story…apparently)

A poor, innocent guy lives in Westchester, NY, and goes to school at Ithaca College. For 2 years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) on a date, but he has never had the courage.

Finally, one day during the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies and drinks like prohibition is coming back.

Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can’t make it through 20 minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn’t want to cancel the date because he is afraid that he won’t ever talk to her again.

So they meet in Westchester and take the train to New York City (a 30-minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the entrees.

They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another rumbling but doesn’t want to look like a complete bathroom freak, so he holds it. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of gas stored up. He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little surprise.

“Oh crap,” he thinks (and feels). Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this surprise.

He maintains this yoga position for the rest of dessert, trying to figure out what to do before his tan pants (a) start to smell, or (b) start to show stains on the outside. He quickly pays for dinner, and they leave the restaurant (he is walking like a cowboy). On the way to the train station, they pass the Gap.

“Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last week?” he asks.

“No problem, I’d like to look around too,” she replies.

They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men’s fashions are on the right, and women’s fashions are on the left, so they split up.

Our hero grabs the first sweater within reach and hurries back to the khakis. After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current outfit, he brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his date (still on the other side of the store) to make sure that she doesn’t see him buying the pants.

He doesn’t even want the sweater, so he says through clenched teeth (just in case his date can read lips from 40 feet away) “Just the pants.”

“What?” asks the Gap girl.

(Eyes still trained on his date) “Just the pants!”

The Gap girl say, “Oh, okay.”

He pays for the pants and walks over to his date, then they leave the store.

They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car. He gets to the bathroom as the train departs and quickly rips off his pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out the window. After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out… just the sweater.

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submitted by Sang on 09.14.2005

This is two-fold. The first is that you can see George W. Bush’s handwriting. The second, and the most important, is that he asks Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to use a bathroom break during a Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit and 60th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York September 14, 2005.

As always, you can click the picture to enlarge it.

+snguyen

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submitted by Sang on 09.13.2005

Believe it or not, Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 is actually pronounced /?al?bin/. It was supposed to be a name for a Swedish boy born in 1991. The boy’s parents never planned to name him at all because they were protesting the strict Swedish child-naming rules. The parents (Elizabeth Hallin and an unidentified father) did not name the boy by his 5th birthday, so they were charged with 5,000 kronor (or $650), so they submitted Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116. The court denied the name, so the parents tried naming him A instead.

Read more about the story here: Click.

+snguyen

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