Sangent

Archive for August, 2005

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submitted by Sang on 08.19.2005

It’s strange, after being a user of computer software for a while, you begin to pick up on some disturbing similarities to a not so squeaky clean industry out there. Is this telling us something?

Drug Dealers

Refer to their clients as “users”.

“The first one’s free!”

Strange Jargon: “Stick”, “Rock”,
“Dime Bag”, “E”

Realized that there’s tons of cash
in the 14 to 25 year old market.

Job is assisted by the industries
producing newer, more potent mixes.

Often seen in the company of pimps
and hustlers.

Their product causes unhealthy
additions.

Do your job well, and you can sleep
with sexy movie stars who depend
on you.

 

Software Developers

Refer to their clients as “users”.

“Download a free trail version…”

Strange Jargon : “SCSI”, “RTFM”,
“Java”, “ISDN”, “Pentium”

Realize that there’s tons of cash
in the 14 to 25 year old market.

Job is assisted by industry’s producing
newer, faster machines.

Often seen in the company of marketing
people and venture capitalists.

Doom, Quake, SimCity, Duke Nukem,
’nuff said!

Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!


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submitted by Sang on 08.18.2005

Vision StationClick the image at the left to enlarge.

Standard flat-screen applications can display a field of view (FOV) of no more than 60°. The Elumens VisionStation allows for a fully immersive display of 160°. The VisionStation’s ultra-wide FOV creates an amazing sense of space and depth, without need for goggles or glasses. The large size of the VisionStation screen (1.5 meters) also helps promote an excellent sense of immersive 3D.

Read more: Click.

+snguyen


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submitted by Sang on 08.18.2005

If you think all this flirting with $3-a-gallon gas is already a pain in the pocketbook, brace yourself. Oil expert Craig Smith predicts gas prices will skyrocket next year, jumping to five bucks a gallon. And if terrorists successfully strike a major Middle East oil field, Americans might end up paying $10 a gallon — about $110 to fill a Ford Focus’ 11-gallon tank. Smith, a self-proclaimed geopolitical know-it-all hawking his new book Black Gold Stranglehold, says Americans — tree-hugging politicians and car-addicted commuters alike — should blame themselves for the coming spike in prices. “Why are they charging higher prices for gas?

Read more: Click.

+snguyen


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submitted by Sang on 08.17.2005

Blank cdsClick the picture on the left to enlarge.

This guy apparently wants the person who ships the CDs to get fired or something, so he sends back to two blank CDs found in his CD spindle.

In case you don’t know what those are for, it’s protection. Protection for your first and last disks from getting scratched when transporting.

+snguyen


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submitted by Sang on 08.17.2005

Flying carThink that you can build a flying car? If you can NASA will give you a quarter of a million bucks.

Up for grabs are $250,000 in prize money for a variety of advancements in flying vehicle technology. You could earn $25,000 for an advancement in noise control and $150,000 for a “vehicle with two to six seats that can fly at least 130 mph for a 300-mile range while being fuel-efficient and making good time door-to-door.”

Read more: Click

+snguyen


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submitted by Sang on 08.16.2005

Dear ________________,

[ ] It’s been fun, but I want to see other people.
[ ] You suck in bed.
[ ] I want to explore new things and meet new people.
[ ] I’ve seen Professional Wrestlers more sensitive than you.
[ ] You’re a loser.
[ ] You’re too sensitive, stop whining already.
[ ] I have to break up with you because I slept with your best friend / dog / sister / neighbor.
[ ] It’s not you, it’s me. I’m a double agent and have to rescue the President.
[ ] I’m actually not straight / gay, fooled you!
[ ] We can’t have sex because I keep thinking about your mother/father/best friend / cow / next door neighbor.
[ ] Your stubborn refusal to not flush the toilet / shave / masturbate / kick helpless animals is just too much.
[ ] I’m prejudiced against _________, so this isn’t going to work.
[ ] You were so awful I’m joining a seminary / practicing celibacy forever.
[ ] I now hate men / women because of you.
[ ] You told my parents we do it like monkeys and they won’t let me see you now.
[ ] You’re fucking cheap, I don’t want much, but c’mon!
[ ] I have to leave, I pissed off the mob / government / terrorists / rap musicians.
[ ] You’re leaving to college / the military / prison, I don’t feel like waiting.
[ ] I’ve been indicted for War Crimes.
[ ] He / She is much better looking than you.
[ ] This sleazy guy /girl convinced me you’re a waste of my time and I’m going to hook up with them.
[ ] I’ve seen fourth graders smarter than your friends, at least the fourth graders can color in the lines and spell college correctly.
[ ] You are from New Jersey. ’nuff said.
[ ] I love my cat / dog / sex slave more and you’re allergic to them.
[ ] I was blind when we started dating but now that my sight is back, eeeeewwww.
[ ] I’m shallow and want a guy / girl with lots of money.
[ ] I would rather make out with an electrical socket.
[ ] You’re standing in the way of my dream job: Professional Polar Bear Kick Boxing champion.

Sincerely,



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submitted by Sang on 08.16.2005

A father walks into a book store with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

“No,” the woman replied. “Divorce attorney”.


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submitted by Sang on 08.16.2005

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”


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submitted by Sang on 08.13.2005

A beautiful blonde goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy that’s so homely looking, he hasn’t had a date in over a year. Also, he’s sooooo dumb that one night he slept with a ruler next to his head to see how long he slept. So he figures that he has absolutely no chance in the world to score a date with this ravishing buxom blonde.

Then suddenly she strikes up a conversation with him and soon they become rather chummy. It starts to get late and the bartender calls out last drink for alcohol, then the blonde leans over to the guy and says, “Let’s have this last drink at my apartment.”

Taken back by her request, and trembling, the guy finally utters the word, “OK.”

They get up from the bar stool arm and arm headed for the door, when the blonde stops him and says, “Before we go back to my apartment there’s one thing I have to tell you, I’m on my menstrual cycle.”

He says, “That’s ok, I’ll follow you in my Honda.”


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