submitted by Sang on 07.25.2005

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!”

The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?” Harry: “9″.

Principal: “What is 6 x 6?” Harry: “36″.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the third grade.”

The teacher says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions?”

The principal and Harry both agree.

The teacher asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?” Harry, after a moment, “Legs.”

Teacher: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?” The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question! Harry replied, “Pockets.”

Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?” Harry: “Pants”

Teacher: What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? Harry: Coconut

The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? Harry: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?

The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: Shake hands

Teacher: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay? Harry: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Harry: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.

Principal was looking restless and bit tense. Harry: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Harry: Nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. Harry: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement? Harry: Firetruck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself.”

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submitted by Sang on 07.25.2005

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned …couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so …they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because …it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that …was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but …I just couldn’t cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef — figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just …didn’t have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I …couldn’t cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found …I wasn’t noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I ..didn’t have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I …just didn’t fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I …couldn’t live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I …tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool-maintenance company, but the work was …just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I …wasn’t up to it.

So then I got a job in a fitness-center, but they said I …wasn’t fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking and I …was discharged.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was …no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it …was always the same old grind. SO I RETIRED AND I FOUND I’M A PERFECT FIT FOR THIS JOB!

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submitted by Sang on 07.25.2005

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man so he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir:

You leave house.

He come house.

I watch.

He and she leave house.

I follow.

He and she get on train.

I follow.

He and she go in hotel.

I climb tree-look in window.

He kiss she.

She kiss he.

He strip she.

She strip he.

He play with she.

She play with he.

I play with me.

fall out of tree, not see.

……NO FEE.

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submitted by Sang on 07.25.2005

Three guys had to spend the night at a hotel and share a double bed.

In the morning, the guy on the right said “I had this great dream last night, that a girl gave me a handjob”

The guy on the left replied “That’s weird so did I”

Finally, the guy in the middle said “Lucky for you guys…I only dreamt I was skiing.”

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submitted by Sang on 07.24.2005

Diagnosing mesothelioma is often difficult, because the symptoms are similar to those of a number of other conditions. Diagnosis begins with a review of the patient’s medical history. A history of occupational exposure to asbestos may increase clinical suspicion for mesothelioma. A physical examination is performed, followed by chest X-ray and often lung function tests. The X-ray may reveal pleural thickening commonly seen after asbestos exposure and increases suspicion of mesothelioma. A CT (or CAT) scan or an MRI is usually performed. If a large amount of fluid is present, abnormal cells may be detected by cytology if this fluid is aspirated with a syringe. For pleural fluid this is done by a pleural tap or chest drain, in ascites with an paracentesis or ascitic drain and in a pericardial effusion with pericardiocentesis. While absence of malignant cells on cytology does not completely exclude mesothelioma, it makes it much more unlikely, especially if an alternative diagnosis can be made (e.g. tuberculosis, heart failure).

If cytology is positive or a plaque is regarded as suspicious, a biopsy is needed to confirm a diagnosis of mesothelioma. A doctor removes a sample of tissue for examination under a microscope by a histopathologist. A biopsy may be done in different ways, depending on where the abnormal area is located. If the cancer is in the chest, the doctor may perform a thoracoscopy. In this procedure, the doctor makes a small cut through the chest wall and puts a thin, lighted tube called a thoracoscope into the chest between two ribs. Thoracoscopy allows the doctor to look inside the chest and obtain tissue samples.

If the cancer is in the abdomen, the doctor may perform a laparoscopy. To obtain tissue for examination, the doctor makes a small opening in the abdomen and inserts a special instrument into the abdominal cavity. If these procedures do not yield enough tissue, more extensive diagnostic surgery may be necessary.

Source: Wikipedia

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submitted by Sang on 07.24.2005

Symptoms of mesothelioma may not appear until 30 to 50 years after exposure to asbestos. Shortness of breath and pain in the chest due to an accumulation of fluid in the pleural space often symptoms of pleural mesothelioma. Symptoms of peritoneal mesothelioma include weight loss and cachexia, abdominal swelling and pain due to ascites (a buildup of fluid in the abdominal cavity). Other symptoms of peritoneal mesothelioma may include bowel obstruction, blood clotting abnormalities, anemia, and fever. If the cancer has spread beyond the mesothelium to other parts of the body, symptoms may include pain, trouble swallowing, or swelling of the neck or face. These symptoms may be caused by mesothelioma or by other, less serious conditions.

Source: Wikipedia

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submitted by Sang on 07.24.2005

So what is Mesothelioma you ask? Well, mesothelioma is…

a rare form of cancer, is a disease in which cancer (malignant) cells are found in the sac lining the chest (the pleura), the lining of the abdominal cavity (the peritoneum) or the lining around the heart (the pericardium).

Source: The National Cancer Institute

You can get mesothelioma if you breathe a lot asbestos. Asbestos is…

either of two incombustible, chemical-resistant, fibrous mineral forms of impure magnesium silicate, used for fireproofing, electrical insulation, building materials, brake linings, and chemical filters.

Source: Dictionary.com

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submitted by Sang on 07.24.2005

A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on ‘Observation’. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. “This”, he explained, “is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight, and taste.”

After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. “If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my 2nd finger into the jar and my 3rd finger into my mouth.”

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submitted by Sang on 07.22.2005

With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.

1. Viruses replicate quickly. Windows does this.

2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so. Windows does this.

3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk. Windows does this.

4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Windows does that too.

5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Same with Windows, yet again.

Maybe Windows really is a virus.

Nope! There is a difference!

Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.

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From now on, I will not prepend a post with the word joke if it’s a joke. Check at the bottom of the post to see which category it belongs:

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