submitted by Sang on 07.28.2005

1. Can I pull my car in your garage? I’m not sure how long that cop car will stay lost.

2. There ain’t nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara’s will be okay too.

3. Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn’t it?

4. Sara is so pretty I’ve decided to give up being bisexual just for her.

5. Those home pregnancy kits aren’t very reliable in my opinion.

6. We’re going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times.

7. Can you believe it! Those crap heads at the corner market won’t cash my welfare check!

8. Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head?

9. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?

10. My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.

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submitted by Sang on 07.28.2005

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

“How wonderful! But I hope you don’t mind me asking what happened to your first husband?”

“He ate poisonous mushrooms and died.”

“Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?”

“He ate poisonous mushrooms, too, and died.”

“Oh, how terrible! I’m almost afraid to ask you about your third husband.”

“He died of a broken neck.”

“A broken neck?”

“He wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.”

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submitted by Sang on 07.28.2005

Now, for a limited time only (until August 7th), you can peer into my boring life to see what I will be upto. Well, enough explaining, let’s get down to it:

[] Read Strunkenwhite’s book
[x] Practice Taeguek Poomse Chapter 2 (must learn for orange belt)
[x] Download stupid Windows updates
[] Pick out three passages in Angela’s Ashes
[x] Call Nicole (after 4 PM)
[x] Upload games
[x] Work those abs
[x] Run

I’ll put an x inside the boxes when I’m finished with one.

+snguyen

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submitted by Sang on 07.27.2005

I was trolling through my error log today, and I found a bunch of dead games because of dumb syntax errors. These are the fixed games:

1. Pingu Throw: High Score Edition - It’s like Pingu Throw except it keeps track of your scores.

2. Fat Boy Raids Cookie Factory - Help Fat Boy raid the cookie factory. Avoid dogs and guards.

3. Mario Starcatcher 2 - Kind of similar to the Nintendo Mario games…definately worth a play if you have some time.

4. Super Mario Rampage - Use Mario’s gun to shoot the enemies.

5. Parallel Parking - How fast can you parallel park?

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submitted by Sang on 07.26.2005

For those that apply, please fill out the form below, and return it immediately to your local state representative, congressman, grocer, or recently fired postal worker ….

Dear:

[ ] Clueless Newbie
[ ] Lamer
[ ] AOLer
[ ] Me-too-er
[ ] Pervert
[ ] Geek
[ ] Spammer
[ ] Nerd
[ ] Elvis
[ ] Fed
[ ] Freak
[ ] Scientologist
[ ] Socialist
[ ] Bible-thumper
[ ] Anonymous Coward

You Are Being Flamed Because:

[ ] You posted a “test” in a newsgroup other than alt.test
[ ] You posted warez in pieces LESS than 5000 lines
[ ] You posted something asking for warez sites
[ ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply
[ ] You continued a long, stupid thread
[ ] You started an off-topic thread
[ ] You posted a “YOU ALL SUCK” message
[ ] You said “me too” to something
[ ] You suck
[ ] You brag about things that never happened
[ ] Your sig/alias/server sucks
[ ] You made up slang then used it in a message
[ ] I don’t like your tone of voice
[ ] I think you might be a fed
[ ] You posted to more than four newsgroups
[ ] You were imposing your religious beliefs on others
[ ] You posted something really stupid/depraved
[ ] You tried to blame others for your stupidity
[ ] you incorrectly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority
[ ] you are posting an anonymous attack

To Repent, You Must:

[ ] Be the PR person for George Michaels
[ ] Give up your AOL account
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
[ ] Actually post something relevant
[ ] Read the FAQ
[ ] Be Senator Exon’s love slave
[ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month
[ ] Post your tests to alt.test
[ ] Print your home phone number in your adverts
[ ] Slam your fingers in a desk drawer repeatedly
[ ] Become a Satanist, sell your kids to Michael Jackson

In Closing, I’d Like to Say:

[ ] Bite me
[ ] Get a life
[ ] Never post again
[ ] I pity your dog
[ ] Yer momma’s so fat/stupid/ugly that etc…
[ ] Take your crap somewhere else
[ ] Learn to post or sod off
[ ] Do us all a favor and crawl into some industrial machinery
[ ] See how far your tongue will fit into the electric outlet
[ ] All of the above

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submitted by Sang on 07.26.2005

Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it, “That’s quite nice, don’t you think, Kathy?”

Kathy takes a sniff and replies, “That is nice. What’s it called?”

“Viens a moi,” replies Nancy.

“Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?”

At this stage the store clerk offers some help. “Viens a moi, ladies, means ‘come to me’ in French.”

Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks, “That doesn’t smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to you?”

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submitted by Sang on 07.26.2005

A man and a woman were deeply in love. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they drove along, she remarked about his slow driving habits. “I can’t stand it anymore,” she told him. “Let’s play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I’ll remove one piece of clothing.”

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.

He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60, off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now, seeing her naked for the first time, and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, over an embankment and wrapped the car around a tree. His girlfriend was thrown clear, but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas, he was stuck.

“Go up to the road and get help,” he said.

“But I haven’t anything to cover myself with!” she replied.

The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.

“You’ll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,” he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.

Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.

“My boyfriend, my boyfriend!” she sobs, “He’s stuck and I can’t pull him out!”

The truck driver, looking down at the shoe between her legs, replies, “Ma’am, if he’s in that far, I’m afraid there’s no hope for him.”

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submitted by Sang on 07.26.2005

The 20cm-long, 3cm-wide stone object, which is dated to be about 28,000 years old, was buried in the famous Hohle Fels Cave near Ulm in the Swabian Jura.

Here’s the dildo:

read more | digg story

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submitted by Sang on 07.25.2005

1. There’s one “sport” in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it?
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball?
5. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
6. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
7. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters “dw.” They are all common. Name two of them.
8. There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them?
9. Where are the lakes that are referred to in the “Los Angeles Lakers?”
10. There are seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base on balls-a walk-is one way. Name the other six.
11. It’s the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh. What is it?
12. Name six or more things that you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter “S.”

Scroll down for the answers. Don’t cheat!























Answers:

1. Boxing
2. Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.
3. Asparagus and rhubarb
4. Baseball
5. Strawberry
6. The pear grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the whole growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.
7. Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle
8. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
9. In Minnesota. The team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers and kept the name when they moved west.
10. Batter hit by a pitch; passed ball; catcher interference; catcher drops third strike; fielder’s choice; and being designated as a pinch runner.
11. Lettuce
12. Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, snowshoes, stockings

…Well, now you know! Feel any smarter?

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