Sangent

submitted by Sang on 07.8.2005 in Jokes

• Can I see your tan lines?
• You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.
• Nice to meet you, I’m (your name) and you are…gorgeous!
• I’m leaving this place..want to cum?
• You know, I never was to good at math…like if I put you and I together, I’d get 69.
• Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
• Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
• That’s a really nice smile you’ve got, shame that’s not all you are wearing.
• Excuse me, are you ready to go home yet?
• Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on earth!
• Are you religious? Good, because I’m the answer to your prayers.
• Your face or mine?
• With one touch I can make you make noise only dogs can hear!
• Take an icecube to the bar, smash it and say: “Now that I’ve broken the ice, will you sleep with me?
• What winks and fucks like a tiger?” (said while winking)
• As she’s leaving….Hey aren’t you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
• I thought “very-fine” only came in a bottle!
• Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.
• Do you like music? (Yes) Good, I’ve got a great stereo system at home!
• Does your boyfriend know where you are?
• Excuse me, do you think you might possibly have a mutual friend who could introduce us.
• Excuse me, I’m looking for a friend…do you want to be my friend?
• Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?
• Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
• Hi, I’ve been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it’s time to see if I’m right.
• Hi, I’m a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?
• I don’t know what you think of me, but I hope it’s X-rated.
• I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!!
• I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
• If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
• I’m sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
• I’m the kind of man who deserves to have women I don’t deserve.
• Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
• I’ve been slightly depressed ever since my vasectomy.
• I’ve just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
• Sorry to bother you, but I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that.
• Take a screw with you and put it in your pocket. Then, when a girl comes up to you, offer her the screw and say, “Wanna screw?”
• Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you’ve never met and say, “Come on, we’re leaving.” (The key is to act like you know them.)
• Were you just smiling at me from across the room, or do I have my contacts in wrong?
• What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper.
• What’s a nice girl like you doing talking to a loser like me?
• Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
• You are the only reason why I came in here alone.
• You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don’t even own a car.
• You’re so hot you would make the devil sweat.
• Stop, Drop, and Roll baby ’cause you’re on fire!
• Are you free tonight or am I gonna have to pay?
• Walk up to a guy/girl hold up a $100 (or more if you’re desperate) dollar bill and rip it in half in front of his/her face write your phone number on half of it and hand it to them. Then say, “how about you call me tomorrow and we’ll figure out a way to spend this money?”
• When I first saw you I almost had to call an ambulance to take me away because the sight of you stopped my heart!
• Do you have a sunburn baby, or are you always this hot?
• Baby you’re a sex crime waiting to happen.
• Did you have Campbell’s soup today? (she answers yes/no) Because you’re lookin’ mmm… mmm… good!
• Hey so you want to see some magic? You and I will go to your place have sex and I’ll disappear in the morning.
• Would you like to be my love buffet so I can lay you on a table and take what I want?
• Darn girl you even look good with the lights on!
• If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.
• So, I see you eat with utensils. Well, I’ve got one that I’m just dying to put in your drawers.
• You look a little feverish. Luckily I always have an oral thermometer on me.
• Do you like blueberries or strawberries, ’cause I want to know what kind of pancakes to order in the morning.
• My mattress is a little hard. Would you like to help me break it in?
• If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?
• Hello? Oh, your body was calling me from across the room.
• I’ve got an alarm clock that makes the best sound in the morning. Would you like to come and hear it?
• Coffee? Tea? Me?
• I’m an army recruiter. Why don’t you come over to my place and “be all you can be.”
• You must be a chef, because you certainly are mighty spicy.
• Excuse me, your fly is down. Oops, maybe not now but definitely later.
• If you were a pair of pants I’d wear you out!!
• Excuse me. I seem to have misplaced my willy-warmer. Do you mind if I try you on for size?
• The best part of me is covered up.
• That dress would look awfully nice on my bedroom floor.
• There’s an aura about you that’s hidden and I want to bring that aura out.
• Take a chance on me.
• This is your lucky day, because I just happen to be single.
• Oh, I’m doing fine! And you? (While looking at someone and waiting for them to say anything)
• Aren’t we supposed to get together for a candlelight dinner later tonight?
• That girl/guy I’m with, oh, she’s/he’s just my sister/brother.
• What did you say? Oh, I thought you were talking to me.
• Can I please be your slave tonight?
• You should be someone’s wife.
• Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of myself?
• When’s our wedding date?
• Is that a false nose?
• Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Congressional Medal of Honor?
• Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Nobel Peace Prize?
• He: Would you sleep with me for 20 million dollars? She (sheepishly): Yes. He: Well then, would you sleep with me for 20 cents? She: No, what kind of woman do you think I am? He: We’ve established what kind of woman that you are, we’re just haggling over the price.
• Hey, wanna see my R2D2 impersonation? (Think about it…)
• Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way. When she arrives say, “Do you always come when someone fingers you?”
• Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.
• Would you like someone to mix with your drink?
• Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after.
• Did you know that the word ‘motel’ spelled backwards means ‘letom’?
• May I end this sentence with a proposition?
• If you want me, don’t shake me, or wake me, just take me.
• Want to see my stamp collection?
• Don’t you know me from somewhere?
• Hey! Ya wanna try out my new ‘Home Artificial Insemination Kit?’
• I have only three months to live.
• Excuse me, is it true that you’re a sexual tyrannosaurus?
• Excuse me, do you have change for a $100 bill?
• Excuse me, but weren’t we blissfully married in a past life?
• Just where do those legs of yours end?
• Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
• Uh, oh. My parents met at a place like this. Let’s get the hell out of here.
• Pardon me, but what pickup line works best with you?
• You look just like my mother.
• My leech would like you as a new host.
• I think my medication is wearing off.
• You MUST have a nice personality.
• Does my breath smell okay?
• Pull my finger.

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